I am Everything, I am Nothing, I just Am

Although on a deep level we already know that we are not the character, and that what it does isn't all that relevant, in these lines I simply want to briefly introduce myself so you can get to know a little about who Eva Ledesma is in form.

From a very young age, marked by a profound crisis at the age of 21, I began a path of self-knowledge through the study of different therapeutic tools, and philosophy in particular. I studied Social Work, as a kind of interest in the most disadvantaged groups began to grow in me. I worked with women at risk of social exclusion, people with AIDS, mental illness, and mainly with disabled children.

My own suffering and that of others led me to become increasingly interested in the world of psychotherapy. I studied Psychology and, at the same time, underwent psychoanalysis and studied Psychoanalysis for 10 years. Despite the training acquired through all these studies, something inside me felt that something was still missing, but at the time I couldn't put words to everything that was being experienced.

In 2011, Consuelo Martín's book La Revolución Silenciosa (The Silent Revolution) appeared, turning my life 180º. A book by a beloved teacher of non-duality, which spoke of something I felt could finally give meaning to everything that had been brewing inside me, and to a strong calling to know the Truth with a capital T. A few months after finally encountering what my soul longed for, a cancer that became quite complicated made me go through, once again, another crisis in which every point of reference collapsed. That's when a deeper revolution began — one of the mind, perception, and the meaning of my life, deeper than that of the body.

A few calm years followed, of connection with renewed peace and trust in Life, and years later, in 2017, A Course in Miracles arrived. This teaching broke with my spiritual frame of reference, which until then had been Advaita Vedanta, and I began to realize that contemplative or meditative work is not enough. That although it had its role and importance at that stage, it seemed life was leading me to confront wounds, traumas, and above all, beliefs that had not been examined in depth.

In 2019, I began to experience more intensely that these unconscious contents needed to be released, and so came a period in which it seemed I had to pass through certain clouds of darkness. That led me to begin studying Psychological Astrology. And that's where I began to reconcile with psychology, as I found in this tool something new, refreshing, and full of possibilities. It gave me a language to integrate aspects of my psyche that had been deeply hidden.

Everything seemed to be accelerating. In my mind there were certain very deep traumas, which are ultimately the traumas of the collective mind, but I had to look — even though there was a lot of resistance to seeing such intense and deep pain and fears. So, at the beginning of 2022, I began to have back pain that kept getting stronger, until in May 2022 a malignant tumor was detected that had infiltrated my lumbar vertebrae and other areas of my body. This caused another very deep crisis, since not only was the prognosis very negative, but I could end up quadriplegic or severely affected in my ability to walk again. I went through a profound dark night where I had to face very terrifying fears and contents of my mind, which I experienced as fear and anxiety, but also through very challenging situations reflected in the experiences I had to live with family, doctors, and so on.

After finishing chemotherapy treatment, and already declared chronically ill, I had to continue with immunotherapy treatment which, although less toxic than chemotherapy, my body was already so weak that a series of physical complications arose that didn't allow me to live a "decent" life. That's where I found myself at a crossroads, at a crucial point on the path, feeling I had to make a decision. Just as the previous time I had cancer I had to go through a similar process, this time I again decided to stop treatment and trust in God. I was willing to leave this body, if that was His Will, but I only asked for the time needed to die in Peace.

I'm writing these lines in April 2025, and my body is healthy. Not like before, but I can walk again, I can be independent again, and I have the energy to use my body in the most useful way. Now the only thing that truly moves me is remembering Love and accompanying others in that process.

I no longer believe in gurus or magic formulas. I believe in silence, in honesty, and in what is revealed when we stop pretending. That's why this space is not a showcase. It is a pause. A place where there is nothing to prove. Here I share what is useful to me: commentary on the Course, reflections, music, and a lighter way of walking, even when it sometimes hurts.

Thank you for stopping by. Perhaps if something resonates, it's because we've already met before.

If you'd like to know some of the things I've been doing over the years — writings, books, music, art, etc. — you can visit my Campsite.

With love,
Eva